Lord.

Lord,
If you can hear me,
I sometimes need some help.
I need to be able to see,
Or my heart is going to melt.
I can't control things that may happen,
And i can't see the future.
I don't know when i'll next be laughin,
And i'll no longer be able to suture,
my personalitiy to fit people's minds.
I will not longer be able to rewind,
What I say and do,
To be what others want me to.
But i don't want to be that way,
I don't want to have to say
That i'll be who you want me to be,
Anyday.
Lord,
I really want to start to talk,
And i want to always walk the walk,
With you....
Please help me to.

This way

i love you,
Everything you do,
With all of my heart.
Every single part.
This love feels safe,
Feels right.
Oh, what can i say,
To make you feel this way?

When I wake up,
I think I'm dreaming.
This love in a cup,
Is so seeming-ly,
Lovely.
Oh, what can I say,
To make you feel this way?

To make you feel,
This way.
I want you to kneel,
To pray,
For the way you made me love,
Flew in like a dove,
Made me feel...
like this,
This way.

Night?

The stars were shining and the moon was amazing and i had the most wonderful night ever.
All i hear is, "Will you marry me?"
HAHAHA.
okay so if you want to know the story. you HAVE TO ask.

Don't we all?

And I try so hard,
To be who you want me to be,
I'm always playing the card,
Always climbing the tree,
Up to the highest branch,
Where I know you look up to.

But you don't.
You don't look to where I am,
And i constantly contradict myself
Thinking...
Why doesn't he look this way?
Why doesn't he say,
what he wants to...?
And then I tell myself that it doesn't matter,
That what he thinks isn't on the platter,
Of things i'm going to care about.

I lie to myself,
Trying to convince myself,
That I dont' care.
But don't we all?

Today

Today I was sitting on the bus, minding my own business, reading a book....and i had this thought.....
i know fat is such a horrible word....but i'm going to use it anyways....

today i was sitting on the bus seat and i wished i could be fat so that i could just be so comfortable.... could fit right in between the front of my seat and the back of the person in front of mine.....and i though how comfortable that would be.
and i know i would probably not feel too good about myself because bigger people are reduced down to so little these days...but i wished i could be fat.

and i'm thinking that no one should be reduced to anything. today's world has this perfect image for people....you have to be a certian height with a flat stomache, rounded hips, perfectly shaped legs and a beautiful face with wonderful shiny hair....what is the perfect shape, color, length, width....what is it?

i think we drive ourselves so hard to find that " perfect " image that we get so stuck down....i finally realized that there is no perfect and if there was....everyone woudl look the same, act the same, and completely be the same person. we would all be walking around with "that" hair and "that" body and "that" face....we would be completely fake.....

instead of this boring imagined life we have an amazing reality that we need to come to face.... we are all different and we can never be the same. people....you can change your hair and your clothes and your body....heck, you can even change so many things about your DNA....but you can never change who you were meant to be...you can never change who God inspired you to be.....

there will be people with red hair, green eyes, blonde hair and brown eyes....there will be fat and skinny, short and tall people....there will be millions of different DNA codes and guess what! none of them will EVER be the same...

i can tell you this....i woudl rather stick out then just fade in.....i think to some degree we would all like to be something different, special.....unique....we would all like to be....ourselves....

we don't want to change but because of what society says, we are almost forced to change who we are to fit in.

well i can tell you this. i'm sick of it. i'm sick if this game that we play to fit in and look like everyone else. i want to be who God made me to be and i'm not taking any shortcuts....i'm not taking the easy way out. i'm going to go the long way. i'm going to go the hard way....because i'm me, i dont' make decitions other people do.

i have brown hair, blue eyes....medium height, medium build....i'm nothing but me.....but who God made me to be.....

i refuse to perminently change who i am on the outside so that i can pretend to be something that isn't me in the inside...i refuse to be like you.....i refuse to be anything other then what God has created me to be....fat, thin, tall, short, black, white....i am me.

Worship

This blog is going to be on worship because it think its really important that I as well as other people understand something....

God put everyone on the earth for something....He gave us all talents that he wants us to use for his glory....not ours.

The thing is...it doesn't matter. Nothing that we do matters...ok....thats not totaly true. We matter, we do posative things for people....we make an impact on people's lives...we ARE here for a reason....but God doesn't need us.

God put us on this earth for one specific thing; to use the talents he's given us to glorify and serve him. That is the only reason we are on earth. He's planned out our lives for us, he's died for us so we can be forgiven and live and he rose again so that we aren't alone in this world.

God loves you...HECK he died for you....he DIED for you....on a freaken cross...he had nails in his hands and he never once swore, never once cursed....he sat there and said, "Lord, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing"

We are forgiven for everything that we do....and we are given a chance for a completely new start...And with that start comes a responcibility... He only asks one single thing...and that is to praice him with all that we have....to make him our all in all....

And i know it seems complicated...and i'm not going to pretend to tell you that it isn't....being a christian is a whole new journey of mistakes...but the difference is....we dont' have to pretend we're perfect and we don't have to lie about doing things wrong....

God is there and will always forgive you...which brings me back to my next topic.

Sometimes i wonder...you know? if like...after all of this that Jesus/God has done for all of us....that maybe we should you know?....do something for him? The crazy thing is that he could ask you to die for him....it would make sense...or he could ask you to do crazy things...but all he asks you to do....is just worship him and give him your all....

All he asks you to do is tell other about him and about who he is and about the forgiveness he's given you....the sweet feeling of peace...he doesn't ask for the oppurtunity to take your life away beacuse he already has it...he owns it....he only asks you to love him and to let him use your life in a way that gives him glory and allows you to be joyful in his presense....

is that so hard to believe? is it so hard to just worship him?