Sometimes

Sometimes, its time.
Time just to lay back and put away all of the fear.
All of the fear and the sorrow,
The grace forgotten will be restored,
The emotions lost will be found.

Like the 1st sheep strays from the 99 other,
So will I stray from you,
I will stray and you will be lovely enough,
To guide me back home.

Then it will be time,
Time to forget my life,
And Woe the sorrow brought by timeless fear.
Woe the pain brought by endless ears.
The fear that once was placed,
Will be replaced by Gods great grace.

But can it be,
That by Gods grace, I can be set free
Yes…you are free, free to be, who he wants you to be.
For man cannot live on bread alone,
But only by the spirit of God.

Never-ending love

This is a hurt that cannot be parched.
I feel like the pain is flowing through my chest but you don't see it, don't even look to see.
As I embrace your wounded body your tears stream from your already red eyes and I can feel your body shaking against mine, your mind allowing you to become totaly at ease in my presense.
I am as stiff as a stick as I continue to shield myself from the hurt I have yet to feel from your words but know it will soon come.
I can feel the future, the pretense of the pain yet to come and I am afraid.
You lean on me now for support, but what will become of us in time.
I know you will forget all of the meaningless things I have said to you and only one thing will stick in your memory.
The way I RAN.
I will run away from you, blindly as i have done before.
I will not stop or cease to continue running and even if you appear before me, your arms outstretched, I will flee.
I cannot bear to look into your eyes when you see what I've done, the things that I have commited.
I know you will no longer love me, no longer be proud of the way I stood tall through everything and pretended that I was okay.
You will be angry, harsh, and unloving in the way you describe me to our once mutual friends.
They will come to hate me and I will look at them in awe.
I will not be afraid anymore.

Through all of this hurt, the tears breaking my heart and falling at your feet, I know when you turn away there will be someone there.
Someone who will not be ashamed of me, who will not look down on me because of all of the horrid things I have done.
They will love me, protect me, guard me and guide me.
Even though I have become afraid, lost hope in this short time, they will be back there....running along side me and waiting for me to need someone to carry me when I get too tired to run.
They will gently set me on the ground, blocking me from the harsh sun and hugging me with their gracious arms.
I will soon begin to replay what happened before I ran, your once harsh words and the way you continued to stare at me in awe when I began to pack for the run...
And as I look back I will see someone there, passing me clothes as I pack, running away from the one person to whome I would always love.

The someone will then usher me out the door, shielding me from the anger of your fists and protecting me from the bluntness of your crushing weight.
He will then remind me that he will always be there for me, even when I continue to go to others, who will not satisfy my need for love.
After he reasurres me of his love he will begin to mend my broken heart and bones as I run and he will run with me, until I am safe away from you.
Strangly after I ran from him the first time I expected his love to end, I expected him to give up....but it was not something I'd hoped for.

You see, I'd given up my hope to find never-ending love.
After all of the bruised arms ....all of the bleeding wrists and broken hearts...I'd given up the hope that others had.
What I didn't understand was that the hope had never given up on me...
My never ending love ran beside me, carried my fragile heart in his careful hands and always continued to love me.

Randoms

"You'll never know much I cry,
All the tears I've kept inside."


"God wrote your love story, so let him read it to you"

Learning to Breathe

Inhale (the past is a mere reminder)
Exhale (the future is only at stake)
Remembering
Anger and dissapointement,
Spilling over the seam.
An attept to conciel the pain,
No slight gain
and remembering to breathe the name.
I am no longer left alone,
I've decided it's too hard to breathe on my own.
So I am learning to breathe.

Inhale (tomorrow is a new day)
Exhale (i have nothing left to say)
for in this world there are only so many jokers,
only so many who will say,
its never too late at the end of the day,
to start over
learning to breathe.

I'll cut my hair,
Change my name,
forget the reminder of all the pain.
I'll live this life the way he did,
i'll love,
i'll loose,
i'll remember to give.

Inhale (i can't help but love you)
Exhale (but now i know that its alright)
i know its fine to scoff and fight.
I will always love,
be confused only to have things clarified,
be hurt only to captured in an adoring smile,
that will take away all doubt,
be strugging to breathe only to loose breathe,
beginning to learn how to breathe.

I will live on,
crying a little,
loving alot.
Showing no pain,
growing a heart.
Gasping for breathe,
not knowing how.
Learning to breathe,
Cause nothing else matters now.

I'm sick

I'm sick of your lies!

DON'T-
expect me.
to trust you.

All you did was pretend you loved me. All you did was pretend you cared.
You had to kiss my cheek, pretend you weren't such a geek,
Pretend you care when all you could do is stare at something that wasn't there...
Something that wasn't there.
OUR LOVE.
You said it was there, you said you felt it...

Felt what....

I can admit that I loved you...I can admit that I felt something more, that I said you meant something more then those silly words you wrote to me on the computer...
You know?
The ones that made me laugh and cry...made me want to die because i didn't want to ever fall asleep again.

You said you loved me. You said you'd wait for me to feel teh same way.

You didn't know I ALREADY DID!

I could have married you. Right here, Right now.

I'm sick of the fact that I can't stop thinking about you. That i continue to try to convince myself that...

Its....

Okay!

Its okay that I dream about you and that pretending I'm in your arms helps me to fall asleep. That i have never felt this way about anyone before and even though I know its a figment of my imagination...i'm okay with that...

Why am I okay with that?

I'm sick of pretending I dont' care about you whenever I see you.

Of wishing I could tell you that I WILL NOT...

CAN NOT...

can not... live without you.

I'm sick of the fact i think i may be falling in love with you.....

once again.

The Wind

Cold and unable to breathe,
Walking.through.this..
Just trying to conceive,
a thought or a picture,
of something once known,
trying to be strong,
not knowing which way to go.

The salt on my lips is,
a reminder of such bliss,
back when i was unafraid,
young,
pure,
so seemingly brave.

Walk straight,
hold your head high.
"remember, its not right to cry"
for to be strong i musn't break,
these chains of tough exterior,
i once did make.

And then the wind,
so light and true,
brings me back to something ionce knew.
i remember when i'd sit and sigh,
be not ashamed to love,
to cry.

Reminders of a midnight dance,
the stars so bright,
the leaves would prance.
The wind gently lifts,
my hair away,
to show a face of joy through pain.

And now so young,
in spirit, not tongue.
Remembering to pray,
through struggles each day.
As something sneaks,
in my closed up room,
reminding me I'm not alone,
for all this fear,
uncertainty draws near,
as something else becomes so clear.
The wind-through many nights and years,
swifly blows,
blows away my tears.

barely breathing