my love

Oh uncalised as we preach our unprofessed love to our virtue.

"How did i not see you moon high of last night?
Oh the virtue,
Oh the love,
Oh the haste in which we say it."

Stay true my love, Stay true.

Who is this man?

Parched throats scream terror into the silent night,
A fear of unknown pierces the stillness,
A broken heart cries out for peace,
All head by the ears of someone who cares.
Who is this man?

Someone who cares,
Who can't help but cry when his best friend dies.
Who pays earnestly for safety,
And even in his time of fear,
Stays true to the one he loves.
Who is this man?

A boy strays from him mother,
Only to be brought back,
After searching night and day,
By a man who cares.
This man loves without knowing,
Who is this man?

He visits the sick,
brings hope to the sad.
He loves everything he has,
And uses it for the glory,
Not of himself but others.
Who is this man?

Children cry in the streets of the dark,
Lights go dim as we turn out the lights,
Even the old, cries in the night.
Where is the man who cares?
Who is this man?

This man is every human.
This man is love,
This man is hope.
This man is faith,
This man is every cry of a loved one,
every heart of the poor,
every love of a mother.
Who is this man?
Who is this man?

i guess this meant somthing.

When she walks away from you mad[ Follow her ]
When she stare's at your mouth[ Kiss her ]
When she pushes you or hit's you[ Grab her and dont let go ]
When she start's cussing at you[ Kiss her and tell her you love her ]
When she's quiet[ Ask her whats wrong ]
*When she ignore's you[ Give her your attention ]
When she pull's away[ Pull her back ]
When you see her at her worst[ Tell her she's beautiful ]
*When you see her start crying[Just hold her and dont say a word ]
*When you see her walking[ Sneak up and hug her waist from behind ]
*When she's scared[ Protect her ]
When she lay's her head on your shoulder[ Tilt her head up and kiss her ]
When she steal's your favorite hat[ Let her keep it and sleep with it for a night]
*When she tease's you[ Tease her back and make her laugh ]
When she doesnt answer for a long time[ reassure her that everything is okay ]
When she look's at you with doubt[ Back yourself up ]
***When she say's that she like's you[ she really does more than you could understand ]
When she grab's at your hands[ Hold her's and play with her fingers ]
When she bump's into you[ bump into her back and make her laugh ]
When she tell's you a secret[ keep it safe and untold ]
*When she looks at you in your eyes[ dont look away until she does ]
******When she misses you[ she's hurting inside ]
When you break her heart[ the pain never really goes away ]
When she says its over[ she still wants you to be hers ]
When she repost this bulletin[ she wants you to read it ]
- Stay on the phone with her even if shes not saying anything.-
When she's mad hug her tight and don't let go-
When she says she's ok dont believe it, talk with her-
because 10 yrs later she'll remember you-
Call her at 12:00am on her birthday to tell her you love her-
Call her before you sleep and after you wake up-
*Treat her like she's all that matters to you.-
Tease her and let her tease you back.-
Stay up all night with her when she's sick.-
Watch her favorite movie with her or her favorite show even if you think its stupid.-
Give her the world.-
Let her wear your clothes.-
When she's bored and sad, hang out with her.-
Let her know she's important.-
Kiss her in the pouring rain.-
*When she runs up at you crying, the first thing you say is;"Who's butt am I kicking?"
*-means something...DUH.

Forget-me nots

And all I can think about,
Are these forget-me-nots,
The ones I searched out,
That i found just in time for you.

And I shrink,
As I quickly explain the depths,
The depths of my heart,
The things I wished to tell,
Tell you of my forget-me-nots.

Forget-me-not?
I shall never forget you.
The way you smiled and loved.
Forget-me-nots.

I want to tell you,
why my heart is breaking in two.
I want to tell you,
what made me love you.
I want to let you know,
I still love,
With the depths,
to the end of time,
With all the forget-me-nots in the world.

Falling for you.

You only care for half,
Half of my heart.
You only care for half,
Half of my mind.
You only care for half,
Half of my life.
And someone how i can't realize,
that your not worth it.

You don't really care,
That i was used,
and abused by you.
You don't really care,
That i fell,
Fell hard for you.

I still care,
For you heart.
The one that tore me apart.
You told me i wasn't worth it.

How can you still care?
Because you'll only dare,
To love the half of me,
thats not in the path of you.

You only love half of me,
The half that you can see.
I just want to be,
me.

You want me to be someone else,
Someone who clears your standers.
I may never be that person,
because i am who i am.
I'm not going to change.

I dont' know why i love you.
Your smile makes me want to laugh,
Your words put me on edge.
And i'm on a ledge,
Of decideing weather or not your worth it.

Worth the pain you make me feel,
Making me insane
beacuse i reel at every thought of your touch,
I want to feel such love,
coming from you eyes, your hands, your face.
And i don't want to miss the oportunity,
To love you,
To see you love me.

And i do,
Love you i mean.
I love the way you make me feel,
the way you put a smile on my face.
I love the way you sing to me,
the way you put your strings on me,
and the way you talk,
the way you laugh at jokes,
I love the way you stay in place,
and miss my bad remarks.
I wish that i weren't stupid,
enough to fall for you.
Because you tore my heart away,
and i don't know what to do.

I guess you don't really care,
and i guess i deserve more,
but why can't i see.

A Story

I guess…I guess it all started 6 years ago. We were a normal family. Nothing special, except for you… I always knew God had something unique in store for you. I just wasn’t sure what it was. You were my little sister, and as a big sister, I was suppose to be able to protect you. Which was hard considering the personality you had. You were like a butterfly, always flitting from one person to the next. You had so much energy it was hard to fandom how you could use it all by 8 in the morning and still have enough to make it through the rest of the day. My job was to make sure you didn’t get beat up, get yourself into anything you couldn’t get out of, and to just be there. I tried, I really did. I thought I would be able to protect you through everything…
Four years ago you were diagnosed with a uncurable, untreatable disease. I remember the day like it was yesterday. You woke and started yelling, “Mom, Mom! I can’t stand up.” You were so, so scared. We brought you to the hospital and they ran test after test after test. The doctor finally came to talk to us. An aerie silence ran around the room as we heard the devastating news. You were diagnosed with a fatal neuro-degenrative disease called MLD. To break it down, this disease destroyed all of the white matter in your brain. Leaving you with a rapidly decreasing ability to walk, talk, and eat. We were told you wouldn’t be able to eat or walk soon. It was only going to get worse, and there was nothing the doctors or I could do about it.
All of the blood ran from your face and you became as pale as a ghost. You were clutching my hand looking into my eyes. Speechless for once in your life. At that moment I wished for the world that I could be anywhere except in that room, with you. The pain filling your eyes was too much to bear. I dropped my gaze. My thoughts ran wild as the doctors filled mom and dad in on the rest of the diagnoses. I couldn’t believe this had happened to you. Why had God chosen you, the loving, free, wild one of the family? Why couldn’t I be the one that was chosen to bear this? You didn’t deserve it.
I think you decided to be strong after that, leaving me with the thought that I too had to be strong in order to help you along with this. Life was never the same, although we tried to make it as normal as possible for as long as we could. It felt like I was living a lie. We went to school for a while. You tried your best to keep your chin up the whole way. I admire you for that. You pretended everything was fine and spent your days helping people. Although everyone knew the situation that we were going through, they tried to make everything as normal as possible. Pretty soon going to school was out of the picture. It wasn’t an option. There were too many medications you had to be on, and it was way to hard for you to keep up with your studies. We had the face the facts. Although I didn’t want to admit it, everything was not going to be fine.
I have to hand it to you though. You did an amazing job. You were always happy. You always said, “Live your life to the best of your ability. Love until you loose and never forget to persevere through the bad and the good. Make it for me. And make it for you.”Although you couldn’t walk and could hardly talk, the huge effort you made to make everyone feel like there was still hope, showed us that this was happening for a reason. You were bed ridden but you never ceased to show courage, hope and perseverance. Sometimes I could hear mom quietly sobbing in your room. She would sit by your bed at night. I guess she was hoping for some sort of miracle. One time, I walked past your room to her crying, and I though you were asleep. Oblivious to the things happening around you. But when I looked closer at moms body shaking I could see tears running from your eyes as you played with her hair. A small reminder that you knew what was happening to you but never gave up.
I remember when you lost all ability to write, walk, and almost all ability to talk. You used to hum quietly and talk in your sleep. I knew your time was coming up quickly. Those were the days that I would sit in my room, in the dark, listening to you talk for hours and hours. It got to the point where I couldn’t understand what you were saying. Finally, you lost all your ability to talk.
Because of how hard it was for us to take care of you outside you never got to go out. For a year, you only went outside to get in the car on the way to Hospital. One thing that sticks in my memory was that you never cried. You would laugh at our silly attempts to break the ice on the way to the hospital and smile when we would tell a stupid joke. You were just like that. When I would sit in your hospital room and tell you about school, boys, and everything that goes along with a normal teenage life, you would listen intently. I could see in your eyes that you weren’t envious, just proud. You were proud of the fact that I would come to you, and talk to you. You would laugh at the best moments, and when I would cry about what was happening you would sit silently, knowing that you time was coming soon. You were so brave.
A year later you were gone. It was a blissful, snowy afternoon when it happened. I came into your room to play a song on the guitar that I’d been working on. It was for you. And you looked at me; the pain in your eyes was gone. Something had replaced it. I think it was peace. You looked at me so intently I didn’t want to look back, but I had to. You slowly closed your eyes and a smile spread across your face. You died happy, which was a miracle to me.
A year later I’m still sad about you; how you died…I still think that you didn’t deserve it. But I know you made the most of it, stayed with us as long as you could. You persevered to the end and I know you were telling me the whole time. “Live your life to the best of your ability. Love until you loose and never forget to persevere through the bad and the good. Make it for me. And make it for you.”



Written by Me
Thank you Em. You were my inspiration.

I miss you.....

I miss you,
Your smile,
The way you laughed so hard,
At my corny jokes.
I miss the way,
we could talk for hours,
about Nothing...
Laughing like the world would end tomorrow.
I miss the way,
The way your smile would light up my world.
It crept into the deepest places of my heart,
And destroyed my very being.
Now that your gone,
I don't know what to do.
Everything you said,
you did...
I can't believe your gone,
And i miss you.

Gone,
Why did you have to go?
I loved you,
Still do.
But your breaking my heart,
Because your not in my life.
We were never more,
then anything special.
Never more then insepreable.
And now,
your gone.
And i miss you.

Sometimes i lay awake,
Wondering what i could have done,
Done to make you hate me so.
I cared to much...
I suppose i loved too much.
when no one loved you,
I did.
And, i miss you.

I miss the way you said "oh boy"
And the way you talked.
You got so angry at silly things.
But you were so simple to understand,
So easy to love.
I know why you left,
I know why your doing what you do.
Your hurting,
And i see it.
And its hurting me too.
And, i just miss you.

I miss you.

i don't understand you.

I'm just going to talk,
because i don't know what to say.
I'm so confused,
As to why things happen,
And what to do.

I'm so sick and tired,
Of not knowing whats going to happen.
Not knowing,
if you'll show up,
or if you'll just walk away.

I don't know if i said anything,
If i did,
I'm sorry.
I love you, OK,
and if i never tell you,
then there it is.

Alright,
GOOD.

And you know what else?
I'm so sick,
so sick of just waking up,
not knowing what'll happen today.
So scared of the reminders of yesterday.
What have i done?
I just don't understand.
I just don't understand you.

I'm so sick of complaints.
Because i don't know,
i don't know whats happening.
I don't know if the sun will rise on your happiness,
or sadness tomorrow.

Tomorrow,
A new day,
Something to start new.
I'll start it new,
Not understanding,
Because i don't understand you.

The Words.

The words won't come,
And I’m lost.
Why won't you talk to me,
I'm here just to listen,
and I’m ready for what you say,
I can't guarantee it won't hurt me,
but I’ll be here in every way.

I'll pray for you,
I'll promise too.
I can be there,
I can be there to give you hand,
to love you when you fall.

And at the same time,

I wish I could plug my ears,
Close my eyes to the world around me.
I want to breathe slowly,
And listen well,
To my own voice,
Telling me to run away,
Run away and never come back.

I’m so stunned by the words you’ve said,
I’m coming undone.
And the words won’t come,
What can I say to what you’ve done?

I can say that I love you,
I’ll pray for you,
I’ll promise too.
I can be there,
I can be there to give you a hand,
To love you, when you fall.

I’m here,
Say my name and I’ll be there,
Just tell me where…
And even if the words won’t come,
And I’m lost.
I will listen,
I’ll be ready, for what you say.

The words won’t come,
And I’m lost.But, that’s okay.

I didn't want you to win

I didn't want you to win,
but somehow,
you seemed to break through my guard.
I didn't see you as the pin,
that was going to,
pin you to my heart.

I kept my wall up.
I didn't think you could break through it,
but somehow you did.

Even when i ignored,
Even when I'd restored,
my hope in other people unlike you,
You and your words towards me,
brought me back.

What am i suppose to do,
everything you say, you do,
brings me back to you.
I wish i could be spiteful,
i wish i could be rude,
But i can't,
because...
i think,
i love you.

I don't know how it happened,
i don't know what to say.
You seemed t'have stole my heart away,
In every single way.

I miss your golden smile,
The way you talked so fast.
I even miss your bad remarks,
But it seems its all the past.

I can't believe you hurt me,
My heart still cries in pain.
The way you broke it, held it in your hands, say'n,
"I'm sorry, but this is over."

But still, i love you.
I gave you my heart,
you threw away the key,
but still i try to see,
What happened,
to make me, love thee.

Loving you.

Do you know what it feels like,
to love someone,
but feel invisible?
Sometimes a frog is someone else’s prince.
Will you be mine?

A question unanswered is like a love lost.
A love lost, it hurts.
Love lost every day,
By someone you loved in every way.

I can’t believe you left me.
Everything I held dear,
You tugged away,
After I told you how much you meant to me.

Do you care?
Should I stare at you waiting,
Waiting for you to show me your heart?
Or should I walk away,
Waiting for you to look for mine?
Because somehow,
I know you won’t,
I know you’ll look for someone else’s
To be with,
Somehow, I just know.

I don’t want it breaking my life,
Breaking my life apart,
In more then 2 pieces,
Because 2 pieces I can glue,
I don’t know if I can do that for you.

You, have broken what I held dear,
Shaken the worst of my fears.
And I’m holding strong,
I’m holding strong to not your but his arm.
Because he is what is keeping me up,
Not something you said,
Not something you did,
It him, not you, who have been there.

You said you would be there,
Once again you weren’t.
I don’t’ know if you ever will,
Or if I may have to just love you,
Until I love enough,
For you to love me.

Maybe never,
Maybe you, never will.
Somehow, I’m alright with that,
I’m alright with that.