Alone

So alone.
Desperately searching,
for someplace to hide.
Putting on the mask,
of happyness.
That is tearing me inside.
It makes me want to be alone,
It makes me want to cry.
I just don't want to feel this way,
The way I feel inside.
I can pretend,
to be someone else,
But when the day is done,
I feel just like a mouse,
Searching for a home in an abandoned wreak,
Lost and alone,
a complete reject.

I know I have friends,
and I know i have love.
I know i have something from God up above.
But I just can't see it,
The pain blinds my eyes.
There's something inside,
That covers my lies.
I know what is and i know how its made.
Its a cover of covers that can't be unlaid.
And so as I sit here,
alone and afraid,
Waiting for something to make these covers unmade.
I'll sit here with patience,
And someone will come,
Love me with hugs,
till i cry,
come undone.

Right now so alone,
With no hope left to live,
Wanting to hid yet wanting to give.
I've got one hope left,
that I'll look and I'll see,
that somebody out there is searching for me.

Wait.

And as i sit and wait,
I sigh.
I miss you,
I need you.
Somewhere around the corner of the world,
your waiting for me.
My heart is beating,
And i pray,
I pray that you may be waiting,
with your arms at your side and your heart in its place,
waiting for me to come and not being swept into some embrace.
I need your love,
Lord help me wait,
for this new man of joy and grace.

pieces

he has broken my heart in 5 pieces and as i try to pick them he just takes them back and throws them on the ground,stepping on them as he walks towards me with his arms outstretched and when he has kissed my cheek one last time and taken the last part of my heart and stepped on it..he leaves me there, with more pieces to pick up

Blue Skies

Blue Skies bring thankful voices to heaven.

And I am the thankful one.

I am thankful for the day,

for the beautiful joy that God has given me.

Joy to take place of the pain that fills up my blue skies.

My blue skies that will quickly fade away

Love

God,
This is a new kind of confusion,
A new kind of misunderstanding,
That I cannot control.
And I cannot control the way I feel,
I cannot control the way I cry,
The way I love,
The way I want to be loved.
I cannot control...
Anything.
God,
I miss knowing what is going to happen,
I miss the constant stream of reminders of your love.
And I am afraid.
I stand up to the challanges,
I tear myself loose from these fake memories
and I love with all my life.
But I get caught,
I get caught in this charade of pretending.
Pretending I am fine,
that I can stand on my own two feet.
Lord,
I am going to kneel at your feet,
Because I am,
unworthy.
Everything about me screams for your love.
Lord Jesus,
you have brought my very existance into focus.
You have brought the love of your son,
and still i wonder.
And i stand in wonder and amazement at your unfailing,
Love.
The love that will get me through the day.
You will not push your love on me Lord,
You are incredible.
Your attaniable mercy is new every morning.
And I can be reborn.
I am able to forget,
Forget all that I have felt,
All of the fears from deep within my dark unhealthy Jesus-needing heart.
I am able to love once again.
Lord,
Please don't leave me.
Allow your love, grace and mercy to sorround me.
This is my cry,
my cry of deep longing from my soul to yours.
Do not abandon me,
Do not leave me cast away.
I need you,
I need your wonderful, gracious, warm arms to envelope this body,
This body screaming for help.
Send your love to your servand Lord.
Send your unfailing love.

These People Need Love

There is a girl,
who wishes to be thin.
As she sucks in her stomache she ponders,
she wishes to be the person in the mirror.

There is a boy who wishes to close his door,
open his window and jump.
He wishes he could be gone,
dissapear from this life.

There is child who wishes for the teddybear in the window.
She wishes her mother wouldn't hit her.
She wishes her father wouldn't drink,
get angry and hurt her.

There is a man who closes his eyes to his childrens hurt.
This man will not look at his children,
they remind him,
so muchly so,
of his broken childhood.

There is a grandmother who will never see her grandchildren.
She will not live till tomorrow,
she will not to today.
She has been brought to a better place.

There is a mother, a father, a child, a teen, a grandparent.
Each have their own hurt,
each their own fear,
each there own pain.

Love,
Love these people with everything you have.
Love until you cannot love anymore.
These people,
need love.

Not my will.

"Not my will but thy will be done."
Not MY will...
not mine.
I need to come to terms with this because its not about what I want.
Its not about what I think I want or what I think I need.
Its not about me.
Its about Jesus Christ and him and what he knows I want.
He knows best and I have absolutely know idea what that is.
In the mist of all of this mess I need to remember "Not my will but thy will be done."
Not MY will....
Not Tessa MacMurchy's will and not anyone elses,
but Jesus Christ the one and only living God's will be done.
Not my will, thy will.