Lately

The sky has seemed bluer,
the clouds whiter and the smells of summer more vibrant than before.
Everything amphed,
out of this ordinary world to something unexplainable,
Lately,
God has seemed so much closer than a touch but so much farther away than the ittsy bittsy spider in that silly song for kids.
The spirit of God, with you in your prayers but so far away when mistakes are made and sins destroy lives.
The life of someone pure, made by God to be perfect in his image-never to make mistakes or feel pain
but pain is what we feel everyday,
the constant stream of double edged swords poking into our fragile skin.
Lately pain from the outside world has seemed so much more real but at the same time
dulled by the brightness of the sky,
the smell of the world,
the look on the face of little children that walk by with icecream running down their adorable chins.

Lately.

HOPE

There is hope.
Deep down inside of the ittie bittie space of your broken heart.
Shining brighter than all of the bitter red,
never to be snuffed out by miscomtempt.
There is hope,
even when the smell of abuse and bruises fill your nose,
when the look of alcohol fills the spaces of your brain
and when tomorrow seems like a year away.
There is hope.
When the white moon shines brighter than the black sky,
illuminating the world around with a pale light.
And the tears-creating salt marks-slide down the clearest of faces,
and the knife of bitter fear is only a space away,
When it feels like the last option is nothing more than a black death,
There is hope.
Hold onto it,
don't let it fade away.
This hope is enough to bring smiles for one more day,
laughter for one more hour.
To bring God back into a condemned soul and life into a breathless body.
This hope is enough to bring love into a hateful world,
full of deceit and worry.
This is hope.

I'm weaker than i seem

I'm weaker than i seem,
and in between-
all
0f
this...
there is things to redeem.
I stand tall in the rain,
and take in all the pain
but beneath this charade-i put on, things i've made-
my resistance to shame is beginning to fade.

I'm weaker than i seem,
and beginning to crumble i break at the seams.
I can't stand it.
I can only take so many break-ups,
the tiring make-ups,
the fights and the fears,
the bruises and tears.
I'm tired of the all heartbreaking years.
I'm weaker than i seem.

I don't want to live,
hopeing to die,
pretending to love
and living a lie.
I'm weaker than i seem.

Alone

So alone.
Desperately searching,
for someplace to hide.
Putting on the mask,
of happyness.
That is tearing me inside.
It makes me want to be alone,
It makes me want to cry.
I just don't want to feel this way,
The way I feel inside.
I can pretend,
to be someone else,
But when the day is done,
I feel just like a mouse,
Searching for a home in an abandoned wreak,
Lost and alone,
a complete reject.

I know I have friends,
and I know i have love.
I know i have something from God up above.
But I just can't see it,
The pain blinds my eyes.
There's something inside,
That covers my lies.
I know what is and i know how its made.
Its a cover of covers that can't be unlaid.
And so as I sit here,
alone and afraid,
Waiting for something to make these covers unmade.
I'll sit here with patience,
And someone will come,
Love me with hugs,
till i cry,
come undone.

Right now so alone,
With no hope left to live,
Wanting to hid yet wanting to give.
I've got one hope left,
that I'll look and I'll see,
that somebody out there is searching for me.

Wait.

And as i sit and wait,
I sigh.
I miss you,
I need you.
Somewhere around the corner of the world,
your waiting for me.
My heart is beating,
And i pray,
I pray that you may be waiting,
with your arms at your side and your heart in its place,
waiting for me to come and not being swept into some embrace.
I need your love,
Lord help me wait,
for this new man of joy and grace.

pieces

he has broken my heart in 5 pieces and as i try to pick them he just takes them back and throws them on the ground,stepping on them as he walks towards me with his arms outstretched and when he has kissed my cheek one last time and taken the last part of my heart and stepped on it..he leaves me there, with more pieces to pick up

Blue Skies

Blue Skies bring thankful voices to heaven.

And I am the thankful one.

I am thankful for the day,

for the beautiful joy that God has given me.

Joy to take place of the pain that fills up my blue skies.

My blue skies that will quickly fade away