Feel So - Boxcar RacerSometimes

Feel So - Boxcar RacerSometimes

I wish I was brave
I wish I was stronger
I wish I could feel no pain
I wish I was young
I wish I was shy
I wish I was honest
I wish I was you not I'

CauseI feel so mad
I feel so angry
I feel so callous
So lost, confused, again
I feel so cheap
So used, unfaithful
Let's start over
Let's start over

SometimesI wish I was smart
I wish I made cures for How people are
I wish I had power
I wish I could lead
I wish I could change the world
For you and me'

CauseI feel so mad
I feel so angry
I feel so callous
So lost, confused, again
I feel so cheap
So used, unfaithful
Let's start over
Let's start over

needed?

are you needed?...well, i'm not.

Reveal our hearts

I realized that writting is a huge way to express one's feelings....It is a mere talent that God has given some and not given other....And i realized that although i may be expressing my talent, i am also fully expressing my feelings-everything i've ever felt is being relayed in poems.
I also realized that when i write a song and sing it for few people i am telling those people how my emotions are playing out and that scares me. I shouldn't have to feel fear when letting others see what God has given me but somehow i always find it very frightening to put my work out there on the line for people to judge and comment on.
I'm very unhealthily paranoid on the subject of my feelings and i always end up changing the subject. Poems and songs are somethign that makes me seem extremely emotional and drastic...on paper; but in reality, they are mere words i'm feeling in my heart.
When people think about writting things or singing them, they are pouring their hearts and minds into something that may or may not ever go anywhere...
For me, when i write, i'm seeking that love and encouragement i can't seem to find anywhere else...i'm crying out but not wanting anyone to truly see what i'm feeling...i think i'd feel truly transparent...
So when someone writes think not of the negative but of the amazing potencial and heart put into the writting. Think of the love...or the hate that made the person write it. The complete bitterness, fear, objectivity, and emense emotion....just think.
It'll make you want to cry your heart out for the person, because deep down we are all feeling lost and writting is a way to reveal our hearts.

What?

And when i thought you would be there,
You weren't.
And i keep on contemplating,
If its my fault that your gone...
Or if i'm the one to blame when this day ends.

When i sit by myself,
And wonder what i could have done to be left here,
I think it may have been my fault.
I've been getting stuck with people,
who don't hold up their end of the deal.
And i'm so sick of trying so hard,
To make things work when in the end,
I know i'm going to be forgotten.

I just don't want to be forgotten,
Anymore then nessisary,
because i'm so used to it that i keep on hopeing it'll end.
My friends have left in search of something else,
And i lay here,
by myself waiting for them to come back.
When i know in the end, i might as well be waiting for the dead to rise...

Which may never happen,
So as long as i'm undecided...
my best decition is to wait, until i can talk to people....and figure out what happened....
with these friendships.

Promise me...

Promise me we'll be together,
I want to be with you forever,
Promise me you'll love me now,
Because I want to be, with you somehow.
In all this confusion,
And with such great delusion,
If it's meant to be,
You will be with me.

Please don't say,
That even today,
You'll wait for my existance.
Please know I love you,
And always view,
You in all of the forgiveness.

I don't blame you,
Or your lopsided view.
Waiting for the prize,
That Jesus made me realize.
You were too good to be true,
It doesn't stop me from missing you.

And all along I thought a promise was forever,
I thought we'd always be together.
The years go by,
We're still alone, I sigh,
And say.
I'll be here for you, everyday.
I promise.

Love?

And this world that i live in,
I live in alone.
I've loved and i'v lost,
And i'v made my own zone.
I'm sick of the passion,
In which people care,
I'm in love with the way,
That you dare...
To love me.

In which the way,
You laugh out loud.
The way you seem,
to make me proud.
But thats all gone,
All this charade.
The love has lost,
The pain's been paid.

And now i wait.
As i sit here.
You held my heart,
You held it dear.
Please dont' pretend,
To love me so,
I've given up my love.
So go.

i'm finished

I'm finished with this lack of love,
I'm finished with this stress.
I know that you don't care for me.
Please give me something less,
then all this crap you hand to me.
I finished with the lack of love,
I'm finished with this mess.

I know that you don't love me,
The way that I love you.
I know that you don't care i'm hurting,
Even if i care for you.
I miss you and you may not know it.
You may not understand.
I've given up this love for you,
A way I didn't plan.

I can't tell a lie.
I love you and probably always will,
but you've give up your love for me,
I don't want to love you,
Still.
Its my fault that you left me,
I told you not to care.
I told you not to love me,
and then i fell for you.
You didn't want to catch me,
because,
I didn't catch you.

I'm finished with this love,
I've given up my hope.
You told me you would wait,
for my heart to come to you.
You lied to me in wake,
Of what i said to you.
I'm finished with this love,
I love you much too much.
I'm finished with this lack of love,
I'm finished with this mess.